blood in the house, blood in the street

James's laugh is sharp, edging just a bit on hysterical and that pounding in Sirius's chest only thumps harder. Louder. There's nothing cruel in it, but the surprise is clear and, for one terrifying moment, Sirius is certain James will brush it all off as a joke, some ridiculous sort of prank. And Sirius is not at all looking forward to insisting how real it all is.

But then James does no such thing. It appears as though he believes Sirius, despite his shock, and Sirius sucks in a breath, glancing briefly over at Kieren as though begging for support even as James ignores Kieren's question outright. But that's ridiculous, isn't it? James is his best mate, not Kieren's, and there's no need for support anyhow. Or shouldn't be.

"Is it?" he asks, ignoring the very slight waver of his voice as he sits up a bit straighter and pushes his shoulders back. Perhaps it's a false sense of bravado, but Sirius will grab anything he can just now. "You must've had some sort of inkling after all these years."

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Honestly, Kieren feels very much third wheel in this conversation. He clears his throat and excuses himself to get a drink of water. Whatever they're going to talk about when it comes to past feelings that have just been unearthed, he has to imagine it'll be easier to talk about without an interloper there. As much as he knows he's a part of Sirius' life now and wants to be a part of it in the future, this is old history being dredged up. "I'm just getting some water," is all he says, not that he really thinks he's going to be missed.

Lucky, really, that he's not jealous. He knows that Sirius isn't really looking elsewhere, not after the talks they've had, but he definitely still feels out of place in this conversation.

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"Well, I thought--" James starts and then stops, glancing at Kieren. He was going to say something about Remus, but that suddenly seems wildly inappropriate. If it were just the two of them, maybe, but he doubts Kieren wants to hear about any of Sirius's past infatuations and it's doubly uncomfortable with just how much Kieren looks like him. But then he gets up and leaves and James feels almost guilty. He hadn't meant to derail their Christmas, especially not now that he suspects it might be their first as a couple.

"Maybe this isn't the time," he says to Sirius in the end, nodding his head towards the kitchen. It's unlike him to be so aware of other people in the room, he thinks. Very adult, very mature. Or, he'll just take any excuse to change the topic of conversation. He's not entirely uncomfortable and he doesn't want to give either of them the wrong impression, but it is a little strange to wrap his head around and he doesn't want to say something he'll regret.

Besides, Sirius looks like he might have a coronary if they continue much longer, so.

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Some part of Sirius desperately wants to know what it is James had thought, but Kieren's movement toward the kitchen catches his attention and he hesitates, something like guilt dropping heavy in his stomach once again. Kieren doesn't seem very upset, but he's clearly needing to remove himself from the situation and Sirius can only wonder what he's done wrong this time.

That and he's a bit afraid to be left alone with James just now, alone where James will likely feel more free to ask invasive questions, many of which Sirius may not know the answer to.

"I just felt you ought to know," he manages, pulling his gaze away from where Kieren's disappeared into the kitchen and back to James. "Told Harry when he was here. Took it rather well, I think. You're not going to be a prat, are you?"

The words come out a bit defensive, masking the deep worry that lies beneath.

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Kieren takes his time in the kitchen, lingering just out of sight where he can still eavesdrop on the conversation so that he knows when it's safe to head back in the room, but he really is genuinely also sipping water as he does. He leans a little and waits for the answer, yearning and hoping that James is going to tell Sirius that everything is going to be fine, that this won't change anything.

He honestly doesn't know what he'd do if Sirius lost his best friend because of him.

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"I'm never a prat," James replies, taking a sip of his drink. It's a complete lie and one that he'll easily be caught out in, but it's an automatic reflex. Sirius is a good chunk of the reason James is generally a prat, egged on and goaded by his best friend. They've tried to be better since leaving school, but something about seeing Sirius here again after so many months makes him feel a little like he's a teenager again.

Still, he has no intention of being a prat about this. As much as he wants to tease Sirius, he knows that this conversation is more serious than his friend will ever admit. James how to tell when Sirius is secretly hoping for approval even as his words remain jokingly light, and he knows this is one of them. Whatever his own feelings on the matter - mostly confusion, nothing as awful as he knows Sirius suspects - the important thing here is that Sirius knows he hasn't lost anything. Sirius was always afraid of losing everything, as James well knows.

"Thanks for telling me," he says, figuring he owes them that. They didn't have to say anything, but he's grateful they did. The mention of Harry is a stumbling block, as always, but he pushes through it with a wry smile. "Oh yeah? Did you ask him if he was going to be a prat about it?"

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That's about as outrageous a statement as Sirius has ever heard and he nearly opens his mouth to say as much. James is as much of a prat as Sirius and always has been. That's half the reason they ever became mates, he thinks. But this whole thing still feels a bit fragile and tenuous so he only swallows instead, watching James carefully.

And something in James's face changes then, softens in a way Sirius has seen only a handful of times, all pretense sliding away.

"Didn't have to," Sirius replies, not missing the slight hiccup in James's question, doubtlessly a bit shaken by the mention of Harry. He lets his lips twitch into a slight smile then, voice teasing as he adds, "There are some ways in which he's not much like you at all." It's both a compliment and a jibe, Sirius's heart still pounding though the worry has lessened some.

He glances toward the kitchen then, toward where Kieren's disappeared, hidden behind the wall. "We've run him off, I think," he says, his voice still quiet.

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They may be speaking quietly, but it's a small flat and Kieren is leaning just around the corner. He pushes himself off the wall and moves so that he's leaning against the doorway, glass of water in hand yet. "It takes more than that to run me off," he says, like it's a challenge that Sirius and James both couldn't figure out.

"We could do presents," he suggests. "Or talk uncomfortably about our feelings for a while more?"

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"Presents," James agrees when Kieren reappears in the doorway. "Definitely presents, sod the feelings."

James has never been one for talking about feelings and he hadn't intended to start now, it's just that this city has apparently gotten the better of him. There's still a lot of things he and Sirius haven't talked about and maybe they never will, but that's the beauty of their friendship, he thinks. He doesn't have to get all soppy and teary for Sirius to know what he's thinking or feeling, and they don't always have to discuss it to understand each other.

The less girly feelings talk the better, in James's book.

"Can always tell when Sirius's hair is getting too long because he starts acting like a girl," he says, winking at Kieren.

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Sirius breaths a quiet breath of relief when Kieren returns, smiling faintly. The response is cheeky, but does well to deflect the heavy mood of the room, enough that Sirius can gather some of his bearings before shooting James a look at being called girly.

"You've always been jealous of my hair," he remarks with a tip of his chin. "Really, James. You should be over it by now; I know it's not your fault you have a rat's nest atop your head, though I maintain you could easily fix it with the proper spell. No need to take it out on others."

He turns his attention back to Remus then, cards gathered to his chest as he returns to the sofa and motions for Kieren to join him. "But yes, presents! Sorry, James, you don't get any," he lies with a grin. "That's what you get for having the audacity to show up only weeks before Christmas."

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"What if I grew mine out?" Kieren asks, settling atop the end of the couch, straddling the arm so that he's not really close to anyone, which he feels is the safest place to be. He arches a brow at Sirius, knowing there's definitely something lying around, even if Sirius ends up putting a bow on a bottle of beer or something, and gives James a shake of his head. "Has he ever had it short?" he wonders. "What's it look like?"

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"Jealous, I am certainly not," he retorts, shaking his head. James's rat's nest is a artfully created thing and he won't have it talked badly about, either. It takes a certain amount of mussing and fussing to get it to look this way, something he has perfected over the years. "I shudder to think what your idea of fixing is Sirius, so no thank you."

James hasn't bought anyone presents either, so he's not all that offended if Sirius hasn't gotten him anything. There will be plenty of other Christmases, he's just happy he got to be a part of this one at all. "I didn't get you anything either, as my arrival was obviously the gift that keeps on giving."

James glances towards Kieren, tries to remember if Sirius had ever had the stones to cut his hair short. It might have been shorter in first year, he thinks, but definitely still longer than he's sure Mrs Black appreciated. There had, of course, been the time James convinced him to try out his dad's first tester batch of Sleekeazy's. It hadn't been quite ready at all, and Sirius's hair had fallen out and gone patchy in places. James thinks it's about the most horrified he's ever seen him. "Not by choice. There was an accident, or two."

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It's a lie, of course. James has always been terribly jealous of Sirius's hair even if he'll not admit it. It's alright as far as Sirius concerned; he's grown to accept that as just a part of who James is. Not everyone can be so attractive.

His smug smile doesn't last however as James continues and Sirius knows just exactly what memory he's calling up, shaking his head before James can even finish. "Neither of which deserve revisiting," he says, shooting James a quick look. This could be payback for all the times Sirius brought up James's more embarrassing stories with Lily. But, then again, Lily had been around for most of those, at least in some capacity.

"I thought we were doing gifts," he adds, his expression shifting into something dangerously close to a pout.

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Kieren isn't entirely sure that he wants Sirius to open up his gift in front of James, lest it get really awkward. He gives Sirius a bit of a nudge with his elbow, trying to gesture him onwards. "Why don't you give James his present?" he suggests, knowing that Kier's present to Sirius is definitely going to be opened, but maybe it can be last?

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James shuts his mouth, but he does give Sirius a look that says it's only for now. If he expects to be able to go about in Darrow with none of his embarrassing stories coming to light, he's got another thing coming. He shifts things back to presents quickly enough, which is typical Sirius anyway, so James goes along with it.

"Yes, Pads, give me my present," he instructs, taking a sip of his drink and giving his friend a wink. He doesn't know what Sirius might have gotten him on such short notice but apparently there's something after all.

Kieren looks like he's deflecting, but James is happy to let him do so if it means James is going to get a present. They were supposed to grow up and join the war effort after school and they did - Merlin help them, they did - but that doesn't mean he ever entirely lost his childish streak.

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"As I already said, you're not getting a thing," Sirius remarks, but he's already pushed himself up off the sofa to grab one of the packages off the side table. It's the smaller of the two by quite a large margin and Sirius tosses it easily at James's lap before carefully grabbing the other package with both hands and handing it to Kieren.

He'd had some fun deciding on James's gift, tempted to raid the Lamplight for something magical, but modern. In the end, however, he'd decided on something entirely Muggle, a little music-listening device that Harry had often favoured when he'd been here. It's nothing at all like the great big thing James had had in his London flat, the one that played the large discs that he and Remus would smuggle in from the record shops.

No, this contraption is small enough to fit in a pocket with little headphones attached. It's really quite brilliant, Sirius thinks, and he has a feeling James might feel the same.

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Kieren takes whatever his present is, setting it carefully on the sofa, as he gets up in order to fetch the small box from under the tree to hand to Sirius, his nerves making his heart hammer in his chest, not entirely sure that he's going to love it, but he's hoping he'll at least like it. For James, Kieren's got something much simpler, but hopefully he won't mind either, the framed profile sketch Kieren had finished after their first meeting.

He hands that wrapped gift to James, too, giving him an encouraging nod that he should be the one to start opening gifts.

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Despite the words coming out of his mouth, Sirius does hand over a small wrapped gift, and James grins up at him. It's small, but in his experience that doesn't at all mean that he'll be disappointed. Sirius knows him like nobody else, and has always been the best at present-giving. Much better than James, who has a tendency to run around like a madman at the last minute, scraping together whatever nonsense he can.

The real surprise is when Kieren hands him another gift. He feels instantly guilty that he hadn't gotten Kieren anything in return, and he holds the present a little awkwardly, half tempted to hand it back. "I didn't get you anything," he says again, brows furrowed. He hadn't known he was supposed to. Sirius will forgive him for coming up empty handed and James will make it up to him later, but he doesn't want to get off on the wrong foot with Kieren.

Still, he sits dutifully and unwraps the presents one at a time, Sirius's first, then Kieren's. He turns to Kieren first afterwards, the sketch on his lap. Sirius must have told him something of James's ego, he thinks wryly, but it's a good drawing. "Thanks mate," he says, a little unsure of what else he's supposed to say. "Guess I won't need a mirror, now." He gives him a crooked kind of smile, feeling suddenly awkward like he doesn't ever remember feeling. "It's really good."

There's still Sirius's present left though, so James turns back to the small contraption, confusion written across his face. It's a small little box with some kind of strings attached, and James holds it up. "What's this, then?"

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Kieren's got something of a strange look on his face when he hands Sirius his present, a small little box that fits easily in the palm of Sirius's hand. It looks a bit bigger than a ring box, though just a bit smaller than the one Sirius had given James. And quite a bit smaller than the one for Kieren that contains a plethora of art supplies, both magical and Muggle: sketch pads and paints and pastels. Pencils and brushes. Most of it Kieren likely already has, but Sirius had spared no expense in essentially cleaning out the art shop he'd gone to. Not to mention the bits he'd lifted straight from the Lamplight.

Sitting on the floor opposite them both, he watches as James unwraps Kieren's present first and laughs when he sees what it is. "You going to hang that beside your bed then? Make sure it's the first and last thing you see every day?"

It really is quite a lovely picture though, if he's honest. Not that he'd have expected anything less from Kieren.

When James finally opens Sirius's gift, his smile widens even further. "It's a music player," he says, pushing up to his knees to point at the little button on the side that turns it on. "You put songs on it and can listen anywhere you please. I've magicked the battery so it never runs out and Kieren can probably show you later how to put songs on. I'm still trying to figure it all out myself, but it's brilliant, isn't it?"

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