[12/25] christmas day

[thebloodtraitor]

It's a strange day, Sirius thinks. Though far from his first Christmas spent with James, it's his first here in this city and his first with Kieren. He'd invited both to his flat for the holiday where he'd managed to Muggle his way through some semblance of a Christmas turkey and pudding and side dishes. He's still getting used to his new wand is the thing, Kell's blood lending a certain amount of volatility that he hadn't quite expected.

He'll get there, he knows. But it's better to work out the kinks later than risk ruining an entire Christmas meal. And it's not as though James has been any help without his wand. It's almost funny, he thinks, how useless they are without their magic. Lily would likely be delighted. And Remus, too.

But, if nothing else, he knows Kieren is more impressed that he left magic out of it entirely despite the headaches it may have afforded Sirius.

There are a good number of gifts sitting wrapped below the tree though Sirius, at least, is a bit more interested in polishing off the bottle of Muggle whiskey. It's impossible to fully ignore the utter lack of Lily and Harry and Remus, and Sirius knows Kieren is missing his own family desperately in this moment, but he thinks if only they drink a bit more, it'll be easier to not dwell. That's often his favoured way of coping, after all.

He's sat back in the sofa now, resting close to Kieren, forcing himself to not act any differently in James's presence though it's turning out to not be an easy thing at all.

"Shall we play a card game?" he suggests after knocking back another sip of whiskey and sitting up a bit straighter. "That's a delightfully Muggle thing to do, isn't it? Is there a special Christmas one?" he asks, looking to Kieren now for input.

Comments

[roartonrisen]

Kieren's been both looking forward to this holiday and not. All that he could think about for weeks is his Mum's cooking and the crowns they would've worn and all the feast that he could have eaten without having to mime. Being human, it's incredible, but there are times when he feels so unhappy that he can't be home to be with his parents and be the son they want. Though, then he snaps out of it and remembers that he's always the son they want and thinking like that is what gets him in a cave with a razorblade and his wrists open.

Sirius' place is incredible and he feels honestly like it's a perfectly magical experience without using it, but the only problem with having James over in the midst of this is that it feels like they're right back to not telling a Potter about their relationship. "Unless you want me to invent something? I'm not really that much into cards. We always just sort of sat around listening to music," he admits, his gaze constantly sliding over to James whenever he starts drifting closer to Sirius.

Never mind that Kieren's gift for Sirius is still sitting under the tree, but given how personal it is, he's not daring to give it to him in James' presence. Not unless he thinks that it's safe to.

[isolemnly_swear]

James has been in Darrow for all of two weeks, which does not allow much time for Christmas shopping. Particularly not when he arrived thinking it was Halloween. It had taken a few days to wrap his head around the fact that he'd suddenly skipped ahead in time by two months and apparently thirty-five years. So Christmas had sufficiently snuck up on him and he's sorry to say that his contribution to the little cluster of presents under the tree is sorely lacking. He'd managed to find a small thing or two that Sirius might like, but he hadn't guessed on spending Christmas with Kieren.

Sirius has made friends since being here, that much would stand to reason, but there is a niggling in his brain that says he's missing something. All night Sirius and Kieren have been drifting closer together and then springing apart, and James would find it comical if he weren't so bloody bewildered.

"Lily taught me one once," James says, furrowing his brow. There's an ache in his chest when he says it, but it's getting slowly easier to say her name aloud. Two weeks since he found out his wife is dead, and here he is, sitting around drinking whiskey and talking about muggle card games. Still, it's Christmas, so James forces a brave face and steals the bottle off Sirius to pour himself a drink. "I don't remember any of the rules, but I do remember it involved a lot of drinking." He pauses and takes a sip, thinking. "Well, me drinking. Come to think of it I think she rigged it."

[thebloodtraitor]

"We can listen to music!" Sirius says just as James steals the bottle of whiskey straight out of his hand to fill his glass. He scowls faintly, snatching the bottle back before reaching for his mobile. He's learned a great deal more about Muggle contraptions in the past two months, if by sheer necessity alone. Kieren's taught him most of it and, if he's honest, it's all been rather fascinating. He calls upon what he's learned to pull up the music application and hits play, his mobile immediately erupting in a cacophony of Muggle rock as he smiles wide.

"There," he says, proudly, reaching over to set the device on the table at their feet. "Perfectly festive."

It's not, of course, but it is at least a distraction from the various elephants hanging about the room.

He tries not to wince at the mention of Lily's name, but it's a near thing, and he immediately pushes to his feet begin searching about his flat for a deck of cards. Come to think of it, he's not certain he actually owns one. "Could magic a pair," he says after a moment, pulling his mended wand from his back pocket. "That can't be too dangerous, can it?"

[roartonrisen]

Kieren watches him as he thinks about using magic for the cards, giving him a gesture that says he ought to try. He's trying to be as supportive as he can be, especially about the magic, and he does want to test it out with smaller, simpler things instead of breaking the whole universe by accidentally doing something ill-advised. Besides, the music is good and Kieren has a drink and he's comfortable.

Drawing his feet under him, he starts to absently sketch James' profile, his fingers moving with the pencil and trying to make sure he does him justice. "You're both the magic blokes, you'll know better than I will about if it'll work."

[isolemnly_swear]

Sirius has one of those odd little screens that the city gave to him, too. James had shoved his under his mattress and refused to even try and understand it. Lily would have laughed at him and called him a prat, but it's all too weird and muggle and he doesn't need it, anyway. If he wants to talk to Sirius he'll just Apparate over, and he doesn't know anyone else in this city anyway.

The music is alright though, as muggle music goes. He's not sure it's exactly festive, but Sirius has always been a little off kilter about holiday spirit, so he lets it slide. Especially when he sees the look on his face when Lily's name slips out. He hadn't meant to upset anyone - least of all himself - but he can't help the fact that she's a part of him now as much as anyone ever was.

"If you singe my eyebrows off, so help me..." James warns as Sirius whips his wand out. He is glad to see his mate has his magic back, though he can't deny it sparks a flare of envy in his gut. His own wand is nowhere to be seen. But Sirius's new wand has proved unpredictable, a little more wild than James remembers it, so he's learned to cringe a little whenever Sirius attempts a spell.

Kieren seems quiet enough, sitting on the couch sketching something. He's an odd fit for a friend of Sirius, though as soon as he thinks it James decides it isn't true. He's not an odd fit at all, in fact he's oddly reminiscent of Remus, had he been a muggle. "He'll make it work through sheer will power if he has to," James says to Kieren, raising an eyebrow.

[thebloodtraitor]

"If I singe off your eyebrows, you can thank me for the improvement made upon your face," Sirius counters easily. It's a remark made out of habit, out of years spent making digs at one another and there's something wholly refreshing about it. Comforting, too.

And with that to boost him, he points his wand at a book on his shelf, flicking and swatting as he murmurs the spell to turn it into what he hopes will be a perfectly ordinary deck of cards. There's just a flicker of a spark that springs from the tip of Sirius's wand and it lurches just a bit, but the book does in fact turn into a deck of cards.

Even if it's a deck that doesn't drop neatly to the floor but instead scatters all over the place in a flutter of paper.

"Certainly still working out the kinks," he remarks with only a sheepish grin before bending to start collecting the fifty-two or so cards off the floor. He glances up at Kieren in the process, noting the ever-present sketchpad in his lap as his lips curl into a grin. "Not just gonna sit there drawing all day, are you? Lend us a hand."

[roartonrisen]

Kieren lifts the sketchpad to cover his smirk, amused at both the banter in front of him, but the general home-like feeling that's surrounding him. It feels like Christmas, truly and properly, like Jem is bickering with Dad and Kieren's just lazing about watching until his Mum prods him to get involved. He sets the started sketch down (even though it's clear who it is) and shuffles to the edge of the sofa, leaning down to start picking up one or two of them as he gives Sirius a smirk of amusement.

"Next time, you can put them all together. Or you could just singe your eyebrows," he jokes with amusement, offering out the cards to Sirius that he's picked up. "I could always draw them on, I've got a steady hand, haven't it?"

[isolemnly_swear]

James flips Sirius his middle finger in a succinct gesture of exactly where Sirius can shove it. He does smile though, and maybe people would find it an odd reaction but he can't help it. For so long everything was ruined by the war that this kind of easy banter isn't something James ever really thought he'd have again. He can't remember the last time he sat around with Sirius like this, drinking and taking shots at each other. It's familiar and it's nice, even saddled with the idea that back home he's dead and Sirius is in Azkaban.

Kieren shifts to help pick up the cards and James spots the sketchpad, and exactly what kind of steady hand Kieren does have. He's surprised, to say the least, that Kieren has apparently been sketching him this whole time. James would be the first to boast that he's got the face of a model but he can admit he wouldn't have thought he'd be sketched by a bloke in Sirius's living room.

James points at it, a grin widening on his face. "What's this, then?" He plucks the sketchpad off the sofa before either of them can stop him, turning it this way and that. "Kieren doesn't think my face is so awful," he says to Sirius, completely ignoring their attempts to retrieve the cards.

[thebloodtraitor]

While Kieren's hand is undoubtedly steady, there's just a enough of mischief in him that Sirius isn't certain he can be trusted not to draw dreadfully silly eyebrows onto him. So he makes a face, masking the smile that curves his lips as Kieren sets aside his sketchpad to start helping him retrieve the cards.

"I can just magic them back on," he points out, willfully ignoring the part where, given the newborn state of his wand, he might be just as likely to end up with an eyebrow stuck to his cheek as to its rightful spot above his eye.

He's quickly distracted by James dodging any efforts to help with the cards by diving for Kieren's sketchpad. "Oi," he says quickly because he's not quite sure what other sorts of sketches Kieren might have hidden on the other pages. Luckily, James doesn't seem to be getting too nosy just yet, far too enthralled by Kieren's rendering of his face. "Kieren draws his nearest observations, honestly. Including the mottled and deformed."

[roartonrisen]

"Magic them back where," Kieren replies, sitting up a little straighter when James picks up the sketchbook, though not for the same reason as Sirius. There's an anxiety in Kieren's posture that speaks of being wary as to what James is going to say about his drawings and whether he's going to mock them or make fun of Kieren's lack of talent. He knows he's not a great artist, but he also doesn't want to think he's awful and his heart is pounding (god, he's not used to a pounding heart) as he awaits a comment.

"I draw the people who matter, around me," he corrects Sirius, shoving at him and mussing up his hair in the process. "You're Sirius' best friend, or one of them, at least. You definitely fit the bill."

[isolemnly_swear]

"Sod off, Sirius." James turns the sketchpad this way and that, admiring the angles of Kieren's drawing. He's quite good, that much is clear, and James would be lying if it wasn't a bit of a confidence booster. Not that he needs it, exactly, but it's nice to know that someone appreciates him, even if his best friend is a twat.

At Kieren's words his face breaks out into a grin. Kieren is clearly close with Sirius and so by default James wants to like him, but he also can't resist the urge to take a gentle shot when it's laid out so easily in front of him. "Aww, that's sweet," he says, and his tone is a little mocking, admittedly, but he means it in fun. "I'd let you hold my hand but I'm spoken for."

His curiosity threatens to win out and he wants to flick through the rest of the sketchpad, but he hands it back to Kieren instead. Sirius has collected most of the cards by now which is good because James didn't really have much of an intention to help him. "It's a good drawing. Not just because of the subject matter, though that does obviously help."

[thebloodtraitor]

There's a hint of mocking in James tone, but it isn't cruel. He watches carefully, still a bit on edge as James holds the notebook. But he doesn't flip through any of the pages, instead handing it back to Kieren with a grin.

Sirius lets himself breathe again as he holds more than half the deck of cards against his chest.

"Kieren here is spoken for as well so I'm afraid you're out of luck anyhow," he says, making the statement deliberately casual even as, once again, nerves prickle at the back of his neck. "And he is quite good. Planning on going to school for it here in a bit. I've promised him I'll model for his assignments."

[roartonrisen]

Kieren raises both his brows at Sirius, his eyes wide. It's not shock, though, but rather hope. He can't help but hope that this is going to be Sirius telling James the truth, rather than stringing him along in the dark the way he had with Harry and some of the others, before. It's not like he has that much of a self-esteem issue, but he doesn't want to be anyone's secret, either. He reaches for his sketchbook again and settles back into his seat.

"Lily, right?" Kieren asks, because while he knows the story, it's all secondhand. "That's your girlfriend? Or wife, rather?"

[isolemnly_swear]

James doesn't flinch, but it's a near thing. He should have expected it, really. He is the one who brought it up, even unconsciously in an off-hand comment. He had meant it as a joke, not an opening to this particular conversation, but he made his bed now so he might as well lie in it.

"Wife," he says, forcing the word out. Once upon a time he'd been over the fucking moon to even be able to call her his girlfriend, but now even wife doesn't seem a strong enough word. Lily was everything to him and here he is, sitting around playing cards (kind of) and drinking, and she's dead.

James takes a swallow of his whiskey and busies himself with the rest of the cards on the floor, picking them up idly without really seeing them. He doesn't want to ruin this, he doesn't, but he can feel his throat closing up. "She was, anyway," he says finally, and it's probably the first time he's admitted it aloud.

[thebloodtraitor]

Sirius can't help but cringe a little when Kieren says Lily's name. However much they've danced around the topic and even if it's James who's been the first here to allude to her, somehow bringing up her name is a harsh reminder of, not only her absence, but everything that comes with it. All that James has lost here, all that Sirius has lost even if at his own hands.

He isn't surprised to see a similar expression on James's face, though the sight of it makes the ball of guilt inside his gut flare brighter.

"Still is, I'd reckon," he says, his voice a bit rough as James hurriedly picks up the few remaining cards. "Even if-- I mean, you showed up here out of the blue, didn't you? Suppose that means she could as well." He forces his tone into one more jovial, more teasing. He's always hated this feeling, hated more that look on James's face and so he tries to push it away, to replace it with amusement or even irritation. "Probably thwap you upside the head as soon as she laid eyes on you, too. I'll admit, I'm looking forward to that. That always was my favourite part of your courtship."

[roartonrisen]

"You both turned up here out of the blue, young as you are," Kieren feels compelled to point out. If anyone is going to manage to vault over time and space, he'd like to think that it's this man's wife, or so he hopes. His smile is sad and a bit guilty, sorry for having brought it up, even if Sirius is doing a good job making jokes and trying to lighten the mood. "Is that what courtship goes for in your day and age?" he asks, glancing at Sirius.

"How did he court people?" Kieren asks, suddenly, of James. "What's Sirius' version of flirting?" As if he doesn't know, but he wants to hear it from someone else.

[isolemnly_swear]

Sirius's attempts to joke are something that James is used to and it does make him smile a little, but he can hear the hurt in his best friend's voice and he knows it's something of a cover up. It's Kieren who startles a laugh out of him, quick and surprised.

"Sirius?" he asks, laughing. James doesn't know that Sirius ever seriously courted anyone. That had been James's domain, constantly fiddling with his hair and buying crappy flowers and trying not to sound like a complete toss when he opened his mouth. Eventually it had worked, somehow, but Sirius is right in saying that there was more of Lily hitting him than anything else for a long time. Sirius though, he had that way of smiling at a girl that made her want to stick her tongue down his throat without even really trying. The effortless Black charm combined with the allure of being the rebel of his family. Practically irresistible. It used to make James want to puke.

"Sirius didn't need to court," James says, shaking his head. There is, of course, one notable exception to that rule, but it's mostly speculation on James's part. Whatever had been between them, he doesn't think anything ever happened between Sirius and Remus, though he's not sure that's for lack of trying on Sirius's part. Maybe things would have been different without the war, but a lot of things would have been. "His version of flirting is about as subtle as a brick to the face."

[thebloodtraitor]

And just like that, the attack's turned on Sirius.

It's at least preferable to James's sadness and Sirius's own roiling guilt so he doesn't put up too much of a fight. Or at least not a genuine one.

"Never noticed it yourself when we were younger, did you?" he says with just a mite of defensiveness. It's more playful than anything though and it's only been very recently that Sirius has let himself recognize his early trailing after James as a hunger for more than friendship. It'd died down in later years, settled into a brotherhood Sirius wouldn't trade for anything in the world, though he'd never breathed a word of it until now. Maybe it'll be enough of a shock to catch James's tongue.

"And, just as you said, it's not as though I need to," he says, glancing toward Kieren this time. "I just smile and they come flocking. Worked on you, didn't it?" It's not true, of course. While he can't say he courted Kieren exactly, there'd been much more to it than a simple smile; Sirius still remembers all too well how Kieren had cut his ego a time or two at the start, after all.

[roartonrisen]

Kieren's never actually had Sirius go on and tell someone about their relationship in front of him before, so it feels a little like being pushed into deep water all of a sudden. He's a bit stunned, his eyes wide, and he's pleased for the admission, but still a little surprised it's come out so easily. "You definitely didn't win me over with just a smile," Kieren feels compelled to point out. "In fact, we were enchanted by magical masks, or did you forget that part?"

All this while, his grip on his sketchpad has grown a little tighter and he keeps a wary eye on James, hoping for Sirius' sake that this is going to go well.

[isolemnly_swear]

Sirius, apparently, is in the mood to drop one bombshell after another. Typical Sirius, James thinks, but he's busy wrapping his head around all of the other information that's just been thrown at him. James always knew that Sirius had a bit of a thing for Remus but to hear it directed at James is something else entirely. He thinks of the years of easy joking and closeness and brotherhood that he's shared with Sirius and he wonders where he missed the signs.

His first instinct is to rile him, but then Sirius keeps talking, and more things start to make sense.

"You," he says, pointing to Sirius. "And you," he finishes, turning to Kieren. "Magical masks?" It's a bit much, more than he expected to be hit with on Christmas Day, but he tries not to get ridiculous about things. It's not a total surprise that apparently Sirius is into blokes, and he guesses it therefore stands to reason he might like a specific bloke. But James had gotten so used to watching him chase skirts around it's a little bit odd to reconcile.

[thebloodtraitor]

Sirius's heart is beating very, very fast.

He's not quite sure what's compelled him to be so forthcoming, perhaps the memory of Kieren's face after the first several times he failed explaining things properly to Harry, or perhaps just the impulse to see that look of shock upon James's face. It is rather satisfying even if he has to hold his breath for a few long moments.

If Harry had accepted him then certainly James will, he thinks. He must. After all, he's forgiven Sirius for getting him killed so what difference does it make whom he's buggering, really?

"Masks, yes," Sirius manages, heartbeat still loud in his own ears. "It was a party about a year ago. We'd met already, of course, but Kieren had on a mask that night that made him a bit randy, you see. Not sure he would've tried with me otherwise; at the time, he was trying to pretend he didn't find me devastatingly attractive. And now, well... here we are. Together, I suppose."

[roartonrisen]

Kieren doesn't really love that Sirius is talking about how utterly sexually desperate the mask had made him, but he supposes it does tell a story, after all. "I did insist that we went out on a proper date," he feels compelled to say. "And you were okay, but I wanted to know you for more than just your good looks." And, honestly, he feels like he doesn't even need to mention how many of those Sirius has at his disposal.

It's not like James is lacking, either. He has to wonder if the others in their little group of friends is like that. "Honestly, the both of you are attractive," he says. "What did your other mates look like? Peter and, Remus, was it?"

[isolemnly_swear]

Kieren tries to steer the conversation elsewhere but James isn't done just yet. He wants to be, he almost wants to pretend this conversation didn't happen at all, but now that everything is out on the table he wants to know the full story. Lily would tell him he's prying and being a prat but those have always been two of James's foremost qualities, he knows that already.

"A bit randy?" he echoes, a little torn between laughing outright and being a little disgusted. Sirius is his best mate and James had had to hear all about his sexual conquests in school, but this is different somehow. They've shared a dorm room and a house for most of their upbringing and James thought he knew all of Sirius's sexual fetishes and interests, but apparently he didn't. And now the two of them are together, in Sirius's succinct words, so it must have been more than a shag.

"It's not that I'm not happy for you, Pads," he says in a hurry once he realises that he hasn't said so already. He knows Sirius well enough to know that despite his bravado there's an insecurity underlying his words, waiting for James's approval. "I am, I really am, I'd high five you if Kieren wasn't sitting right there. It's just a shock, is all."

[thebloodtraitor]

James's laugh is sharp, edging just a bit on hysterical and that pounding in Sirius's chest only thumps harder. Louder. There's nothing cruel in it, but the surprise is clear and, for one terrifying moment, Sirius is certain James will brush it all off as a joke, some ridiculous sort of prank. And Sirius is not at all looking forward to insisting how real it all is.

But then James does no such thing. It appears as though he believes Sirius, despite his shock, and Sirius sucks in a breath, glancing briefly over at Kieren as though begging for support even as James ignores Kieren's question outright. But that's ridiculous, isn't it? James is his best mate, not Kieren's, and there's no need for support anyhow. Or shouldn't be.

"Is it?" he asks, ignoring the very slight waver of his voice as he sits up a bit straighter and pushes his shoulders back. Perhaps it's a false sense of bravado, but Sirius will grab anything he can just now. "You must've had some sort of inkling after all these years."

[roartonrisen]

Honestly, Kieren feels very much third wheel in this conversation. He clears his throat and excuses himself to get a drink of water. Whatever they're going to talk about when it comes to past feelings that have just been unearthed, he has to imagine it'll be easier to talk about without an interloper there. As much as he knows he's a part of Sirius' life now and wants to be a part of it in the future, this is old history being dredged up. "I'm just getting some water," is all he says, not that he really thinks he's going to be missed.

Lucky, really, that he's not jealous. He knows that Sirius isn't really looking elsewhere, not after the talks they've had, but he definitely still feels out of place in this conversation.

[isolemnly_swear]

"Well, I thought--" James starts and then stops, glancing at Kieren. He was going to say something about Remus, but that suddenly seems wildly inappropriate. If it were just the two of them, maybe, but he doubts Kieren wants to hear about any of Sirius's past infatuations and it's doubly uncomfortable with just how much Kieren looks like him. But then he gets up and leaves and James feels almost guilty. He hadn't meant to derail their Christmas, especially not now that he suspects it might be their first as a couple.

"Maybe this isn't the time," he says to Sirius in the end, nodding his head towards the kitchen. It's unlike him to be so aware of other people in the room, he thinks. Very adult, very mature. Or, he'll just take any excuse to change the topic of conversation. He's not entirely uncomfortable and he doesn't want to give either of them the wrong impression, but it is a little strange to wrap his head around and he doesn't want to say something he'll regret.

Besides, Sirius looks like he might have a coronary if they continue much longer, so.

[thebloodtraitor]

Some part of Sirius desperately wants to know what it is James had thought, but Kieren's movement toward the kitchen catches his attention and he hesitates, something like guilt dropping heavy in his stomach once again. Kieren doesn't seem very upset, but he's clearly needing to remove himself from the situation and Sirius can only wonder what he's done wrong this time.

That and he's a bit afraid to be left alone with James just now, alone where James will likely feel more free to ask invasive questions, many of which Sirius may not know the answer to.

"I just felt you ought to know," he manages, pulling his gaze away from where Kieren's disappeared into the kitchen and back to James. "Told Harry when he was here. Took it rather well, I think. You're not going to be a prat, are you?"

The words come out a bit defensive, masking the deep worry that lies beneath.

[roartonrisen]

Kieren takes his time in the kitchen, lingering just out of sight where he can still eavesdrop on the conversation so that he knows when it's safe to head back in the room, but he really is genuinely also sipping water as he does. He leans a little and waits for the answer, yearning and hoping that James is going to tell Sirius that everything is going to be fine, that this won't change anything.

He honestly doesn't know what he'd do if Sirius lost his best friend because of him.

[isolemnly_swear]

"I'm never a prat," James replies, taking a sip of his drink. It's a complete lie and one that he'll easily be caught out in, but it's an automatic reflex. Sirius is a good chunk of the reason James is generally a prat, egged on and goaded by his best friend. They've tried to be better since leaving school, but something about seeing Sirius here again after so many months makes him feel a little like he's a teenager again.

Still, he has no intention of being a prat about this. As much as he wants to tease Sirius, he knows that this conversation is more serious than his friend will ever admit. James how to tell when Sirius is secretly hoping for approval even as his words remain jokingly light, and he knows this is one of them. Whatever his own feelings on the matter - mostly confusion, nothing as awful as he knows Sirius suspects - the important thing here is that Sirius knows he hasn't lost anything. Sirius was always afraid of losing everything, as James well knows.

"Thanks for telling me," he says, figuring he owes them that. They didn't have to say anything, but he's grateful they did. The mention of Harry is a stumbling block, as always, but he pushes through it with a wry smile. "Oh yeah? Did you ask him if he was going to be a prat about it?"

[thebloodtraitor]

That's about as outrageous a statement as Sirius has ever heard and he nearly opens his mouth to say as much. James is as much of a prat as Sirius and always has been. That's half the reason they ever became mates, he thinks. But this whole thing still feels a bit fragile and tenuous so he only swallows instead, watching James carefully.

And something in James's face changes then, softens in a way Sirius has seen only a handful of times, all pretense sliding away.

"Didn't have to," Sirius replies, not missing the slight hiccup in James's question, doubtlessly a bit shaken by the mention of Harry. He lets his lips twitch into a slight smile then, voice teasing as he adds, "There are some ways in which he's not much like you at all." It's both a compliment and a jibe, Sirius's heart still pounding though the worry has lessened some.

He glances toward the kitchen then, toward where Kieren's disappeared, hidden behind the wall. "We've run him off, I think," he says, his voice still quiet.

[roartonrisen]

They may be speaking quietly, but it's a small flat and Kieren is leaning just around the corner. He pushes himself off the wall and moves so that he's leaning against the doorway, glass of water in hand yet. "It takes more than that to run me off," he says, like it's a challenge that Sirius and James both couldn't figure out.

"We could do presents," he suggests. "Or talk uncomfortably about our feelings for a while more?"

[isolemnly_swear]

"Presents," James agrees when Kieren reappears in the doorway. "Definitely presents, sod the feelings."

James has never been one for talking about feelings and he hadn't intended to start now, it's just that this city has apparently gotten the better of him. There's still a lot of things he and Sirius haven't talked about and maybe they never will, but that's the beauty of their friendship, he thinks. He doesn't have to get all soppy and teary for Sirius to know what he's thinking or feeling, and they don't always have to discuss it to understand each other.

The less girly feelings talk the better, in James's book.

"Can always tell when Sirius's hair is getting too long because he starts acting like a girl," he says, winking at Kieren.

[thebloodtraitor]

Sirius breaths a quiet breath of relief when Kieren returns, smiling faintly. The response is cheeky, but does well to deflect the heavy mood of the room, enough that Sirius can gather some of his bearings before shooting James a look at being called girly.

"You've always been jealous of my hair," he remarks with a tip of his chin. "Really, James. You should be over it by now; I know it's not your fault you have a rat's nest atop your head, though I maintain you could easily fix it with the proper spell. No need to take it out on others."

He turns his attention back to Remus then, cards gathered to his chest as he returns to the sofa and motions for Kieren to join him. "But yes, presents! Sorry, James, you don't get any," he lies with a grin. "That's what you get for having the audacity to show up only weeks before Christmas."

[roartonrisen]

"What if I grew mine out?" Kieren asks, settling atop the end of the couch, straddling the arm so that he's not really close to anyone, which he feels is the safest place to be. He arches a brow at Sirius, knowing there's definitely something lying around, even if Sirius ends up putting a bow on a bottle of beer or something, and gives James a shake of his head. "Has he ever had it short?" he wonders. "What's it look like?"

[isolemnly_swear]

"Jealous, I am certainly not," he retorts, shaking his head. James's rat's nest is a artfully created thing and he won't have it talked badly about, either. It takes a certain amount of mussing and fussing to get it to look this way, something he has perfected over the years. "I shudder to think what your idea of fixing is Sirius, so no thank you."

James hasn't bought anyone presents either, so he's not all that offended if Sirius hasn't gotten him anything. There will be plenty of other Christmases, he's just happy he got to be a part of this one at all. "I didn't get you anything either, as my arrival was obviously the gift that keeps on giving."

James glances towards Kieren, tries to remember if Sirius had ever had the stones to cut his hair short. It might have been shorter in first year, he thinks, but definitely still longer than he's sure Mrs Black appreciated. There had, of course, been the time James convinced him to try out his dad's first tester batch of Sleekeazy's. It hadn't been quite ready at all, and Sirius's hair had fallen out and gone patchy in places. James thinks it's about the most horrified he's ever seen him. "Not by choice. There was an accident, or two."

[thebloodtraitor]

It's a lie, of course. James has always been terribly jealous of Sirius's hair even if he'll not admit it. It's alright as far as Sirius concerned; he's grown to accept that as just a part of who James is. Not everyone can be so attractive.

His smug smile doesn't last however as James continues and Sirius knows just exactly what memory he's calling up, shaking his head before James can even finish. "Neither of which deserve revisiting," he says, shooting James a quick look. This could be payback for all the times Sirius brought up James's more embarrassing stories with Lily. But, then again, Lily had been around for most of those, at least in some capacity.

"I thought we were doing gifts," he adds, his expression shifting into something dangerously close to a pout.

[roartonrisen]

Kieren isn't entirely sure that he wants Sirius to open up his gift in front of James, lest it get really awkward. He gives Sirius a bit of a nudge with his elbow, trying to gesture him onwards. "Why don't you give James his present?" he suggests, knowing that Kier's present to Sirius is definitely going to be opened, but maybe it can be last?

[isolemnly_swear]

James shuts his mouth, but he does give Sirius a look that says it's only for now. If he expects to be able to go about in Darrow with none of his embarrassing stories coming to light, he's got another thing coming. He shifts things back to presents quickly enough, which is typical Sirius anyway, so James goes along with it.

"Yes, Pads, give me my present," he instructs, taking a sip of his drink and giving his friend a wink. He doesn't know what Sirius might have gotten him on such short notice but apparently there's something after all.

Kieren looks like he's deflecting, but James is happy to let him do so if it means James is going to get a present. They were supposed to grow up and join the war effort after school and they did - Merlin help them, they did - but that doesn't mean he ever entirely lost his childish streak.

[thebloodtraitor]

"As I already said, you're not getting a thing," Sirius remarks, but he's already pushed himself up off the sofa to grab one of the packages off the side table. It's the smaller of the two by quite a large margin and Sirius tosses it easily at James's lap before carefully grabbing the other package with both hands and handing it to Kieren.

He'd had some fun deciding on James's gift, tempted to raid the Lamplight for something magical, but modern. In the end, however, he'd decided on something entirely Muggle, a little music-listening device that Harry had often favoured when he'd been here. It's nothing at all like the great big thing James had had in his London flat, the one that played the large discs that he and Remus would smuggle in from the record shops.

No, this contraption is small enough to fit in a pocket with little headphones attached. It's really quite brilliant, Sirius thinks, and he has a feeling James might feel the same.

[roartonrisen]

Kieren takes whatever his present is, setting it carefully on the sofa, as he gets up in order to fetch the small box from under the tree to hand to Sirius, his nerves making his heart hammer in his chest, not entirely sure that he's going to love it, but he's hoping he'll at least like it. For James, Kieren's got something much simpler, but hopefully he won't mind either, the framed profile sketch Kieren had finished after their first meeting.

He hands that wrapped gift to James, too, giving him an encouraging nod that he should be the one to start opening gifts.

[isolemnly_swear]

Despite the words coming out of his mouth, Sirius does hand over a small wrapped gift, and James grins up at him. It's small, but in his experience that doesn't at all mean that he'll be disappointed. Sirius knows him like nobody else, and has always been the best at present-giving. Much better than James, who has a tendency to run around like a madman at the last minute, scraping together whatever nonsense he can.

The real surprise is when Kieren hands him another gift. He feels instantly guilty that he hadn't gotten Kieren anything in return, and he holds the present a little awkwardly, half tempted to hand it back. "I didn't get you anything," he says again, brows furrowed. He hadn't known he was supposed to. Sirius will forgive him for coming up empty handed and James will make it up to him later, but he doesn't want to get off on the wrong foot with Kieren.

Still, he sits dutifully and unwraps the presents one at a time, Sirius's first, then Kieren's. He turns to Kieren first afterwards, the sketch on his lap. Sirius must have told him something of James's ego, he thinks wryly, but it's a good drawing. "Thanks mate," he says, a little unsure of what else he's supposed to say. "Guess I won't need a mirror, now." He gives him a crooked kind of smile, feeling suddenly awkward like he doesn't ever remember feeling. "It's really good."

There's still Sirius's present left though, so James turns back to the small contraption, confusion written across his face. It's a small little box with some kind of strings attached, and James holds it up. "What's this, then?"

[thebloodtraitor]

Kieren's got something of a strange look on his face when he hands Sirius his present, a small little box that fits easily in the palm of Sirius's hand. It looks a bit bigger than a ring box, though just a bit smaller than the one Sirius had given James. And quite a bit smaller than the one for Kieren that contains a plethora of art supplies, both magical and Muggle: sketch pads and paints and pastels. Pencils and brushes. Most of it Kieren likely already has, but Sirius had spared no expense in essentially cleaning out the art shop he'd gone to. Not to mention the bits he'd lifted straight from the Lamplight.

Sitting on the floor opposite them both, he watches as James unwraps Kieren's present first and laughs when he sees what it is. "You going to hang that beside your bed then? Make sure it's the first and last thing you see every day?"

It really is quite a lovely picture though, if he's honest. Not that he'd have expected anything less from Kieren.

When James finally opens Sirius's gift, his smile widens even further. "It's a music player," he says, pushing up to his knees to point at the little button on the side that turns it on. "You put songs on it and can listen anywhere you please. I've magicked the battery so it never runs out and Kieren can probably show you later how to put songs on. I'm still trying to figure it all out myself, but it's brilliant, isn't it?"

[roartonrisen]

Kieren gnaws on his lower lip, trying not to make a big deal of talking about how the drawing is probably crap compared to a real artist or a photo, but only because he's trying not to get too down on himself. He still clears his throat and shrugs. "I mean, I'm not amazing. I'd understand if you wanted to put it somewhere out of sight," he says, because not everyone is his family, framing all his portraits in the main areas.

Kieren grins as he watches Sirius explain it to him, opening his own gift at the same time. "I can help you load up playlists, but my tastes tend to get very 80's and depressive, at times, like the Smiths." He opens the box from Sirius, his eyes lighting up with wonder at all the supplies. "This is incredible," he raves, staring up with delight. "Sirius, really, this is amazing, thank you!"